Puffers

The light flickers to life

The spark of something new

Nothing beats the first time

or the ones that leave you

The Rings appeared as Halos

And we acted like angels

While we danced like hedonists

           And the flames rised around us

I could feel it on my fingertips

like it wanted to stick 

Like I see it in my head

as I take another sip

You said so much

And only talked in facts

   a wordsmith born

                 while the days floated past

 just for today

 please don't come undone

  just til the sun sets...

but tomorrow never comes

I remember being mad

after you'd be fake with others

and now I'm just sad

          because you were fake here first

      And so it goes slowly

        Close off to stay comfy

          Get lost in the Office stories

                as ten seasons inhibit me

I wanted you more

than what was real

and when I stopped fighting you

that's when you disappeared

         Left only to myself

staying under the sheets

         watching the shadows change

                  As night comes from the east

Resist the urge

to pick you up

to see how you feel

let you fill me up 

A creature of earth

so simple and small

you've touched my life

I saw heaven and hell

I saw myself

I saw so much

   I saw my life

 I watched it's death

                    

Musical Chairs

I was like a child playing musical chairs. 
The music stopped, I sat down and got completely lost in a daydream. 
And when the music started I just refused to get up and move.
I was like, "No, I'm not moving!"
I bitched and moaned.
And it's like, it's musical chairs. It's just musical chairs. 
Life is just musical chairs.




I understand why the seasons change, I can see the patterns now.
Even a child knows how to use words as bullets.
And even a kid doesn't always use the right words to describe things.
And they feed their emotions without realizing it. They get lost.
But they don't' always know what's best and sometimes it takes force.
And it hurts but they're happy in time. 
I know the weather is constantly changing, the rain will come and go, come and go.
The ship just sails into the wind. It goes with the flow.

Part I: The Last Time They Spoke

Danielle, in her early 50's, was in her living room watching a soap opera on TV. She heard a buzzing sound and noticed that her cell phone was vibrating across her coffee table. She leaned forward, holding her bathrobe against her chest, and looked at the caller ID. It was Jen, her daughter. She smiled and grabbed the phone.

Danielle: Jen, hi, how are you?

Jen: Hey mom, I'm doing good, how're you?

Danielle: I'm fine, just watching my shows.... So, what're you up to?

Jen: Nothing much. I was just thinking about you and wanted to call and see what you were up to?

Danielle: Oh thanks. Yeah, I'm just watching my shows. 

Jen: Cooool... 

There was a slight pause where neither of them spoke.

Jen: Well...the reason I called was I've been feeling bad lately. 

Danielle quietly tensed and sat up right, waiting to here what Jen would say. Meanwhile Jen tensed as she prepared to go into everything for the first time.

Jen: I've been changing a lot since I moved out here- changes for the better! I'm really starting to become the adult that I want to be. And I realized that I have been going on this journey alone and I haven't been talking to you about it. When I think about the conversations we DO have, I realize that I withhold a lot- I'm not saying that I'm not being myself, but just...well you don't get to see all of me....  And I used to think it was because of the world, I used to think society and my parents wouldn't want me to be a certain way. I had these voices in my head judging who I was and who I wanted to be.  And when I realized it was me who was letting those voices win, I dunno, I guess I realized I was the one judging me, not you, not society, not the world. And I just feel like a little kid because instead of just talking to you about what I was going through or what I felt, I just assumed you'd judge me and I never even gave you a chance. And like, I'm just feeling like it's about time I really did become an adult and give you that chance.... The past few years, I've been really getting to the core of who I am and what I believe. And it's been scary because in wanting to follow my heart...I guess I just get worried that you won't like where I follow it, that you might love me less depending on where it takes me.

Danielle: I love you, Jen, nothing will change that.

Jen (sighing with relief): I know. Ha, when I think about it now, I can't believe I was so worried about a label. It seems so silly to think you'd judge me for not wanting to call myself a Christian any more.

There was a long pause on the line.

Jen: That's silly, right? You wouldn't judge me?

Danille: I'm very sorry to hear that you're no longer a Christian.... Do you believe in Heaven?

Jen: Not really, not the bible's version at least.

Danielle: .....Do you believe in Hell?

Jen: No.

Danielle: That really disappoints me, it really makes me sad to know we won't be in Heaven together. 

Jen: Well I don't think that's what will happen-

Danielle: I know it will. It says so right in the bible.

Jen: Well I just think the bible says...it's got a tone to it, and I just think it's not always accurate to what's really happening.

Danielle: It's God's word. It IS the truth. Jesus died for you, Jen. If you don't have him in your heart...

Jen: I love Jesus, I think he was way ahead of his time. 

Danielle: Do you think he was God.

Jen: No, I- I think he was a human, like all of us.

Daniellle: Do you think he rose from the dead.

Jen: Uh, no, maybe as a spirit or energy, but not as a body. 

Danielle: Then what's the point, why love him, why even care about him if he's just "like all of us"???

Jen: Mom, I just, I don't know what to say to you.

Danielle: Well you need to rethink whatever it is you think you know or whatever path you're on. You may think you're at a good place, but believe me, you aren't.

Jen was starting to tear up. Her voice was trembling slightly.

Jen: You're really hurting my feelings. I called you because I wanted to have a closer relationship with you. I thought that if I never told you this, I could never let you in all the way. I just wanted to love you more.

Danielle: I'd love to see you in Heaven, I'd love to spend the afterlife with you. But if you stay on this path, you will go to Hell.

Jen: How could you say that to me?

Danielle: It's true.

Now Jen was becoming indignant. In wanting to fight the hurt she became hostile.

Jen: Well I don't want to wait for a relationship after I die, I want to have a relationship with you in this life! 

Danielle: I pray for you every day.

Jen: Yeah, but I have no idea who you are! I don't know what you're really like! I feel like you've got this wall up, you try and hide things from me. That's probably where I learned to hide who I was! Why can't you be yourself around me, why can't you just talk to me about this stuff, why do you have to keep saying that I'm going to hell?!

Danielle: BECAUSE YOU ARE! ....I just- I failed you. Somewhere along the line I must've failed teaching you right from wrong. You are so lost right now and you don't even know. And just wait, just wait 'til it happens to you. 'Til someone gets taken from you! Then you'll really GET IT. You'll see just what's at stake. You- you- you're just such an ingrate! I gave you clothes, toys, bought your school books, paid for your college- You're father did none of that. And what do you do for me?!

Jen: I don't care about that stuff, I just want you! I just want a real relationship!

Danielle: I just don't know how that's possible anymore!

Danielle threw the phone down, not bothering to hang it up. She sat in her house, alone with her shows, and started to sob.

The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Played

Thousands and thousands of years ago, there were no religions and no church's. The humans of this time thought there was nothing to the world beyond what they could see and touch. But over time they began to use their other senses to to help construct a fuller reality.

The humans began to see Patterns within their lives, patterns in the very world they lived in. They began to question if the world as they Saw it was the world as it actually existed. Some began to Believe that there was a force that connected all of them to one another. A force that they could not see or touch, but that they felt was all around them, perhaps even within them.

To these earliest humans, they could not understand what this super-power would be, and so they called it the Unknowable, the Unfathomable. They dare not label this Divine Presence for fear of tainting it's divinity with Human Interpretation. And during this time, you were either a Believer, or you weren't.

Soon, there was a growing number of believers. They were putting their differences aside and uniting over their faith in a deeper meaning to their lives. This species of Creators were special in their own way, and United, could create amazing things Together.

Meanwhile, the Devil was watching all of this with disgust. It sickened him to see the growing number of believers. Without ever being told what to pray to or that there was more to their world, these humans had Discovered this divine presence on their own and held their beliefs close to their hearts. The Devil wanted to strike at man, and knew exactly what to do.

He went from town to town, taking on a different form in each village he came to. He convinced the believers of each town that he was God, the Divine Presence flowing through all things, and then told them his will. His will usually involved his believers judging another group of people, often times trying to obliterate them from the planet.

And the Devil did this for many years, going through towns in a different appearance and calling himself by different names. Soon he was known throughout the Planet by many names, including God, Yahwey, Allah, Shiva, Shangdi, Anuak, and Baha to name just a few.

The Devil was finished with his work and sat back to watch. As humans traveled the planet, they brought with them their "Facts" about who God was and what his will was. The humans fought great battles with one another over who's God was real and who's was fake. Over who would die and go to Heaven and who would die and go to Hell. They were no longer aware of the force that joined all of them, it had been replaced by a hatred  for those who called their Faith by a Different Name.

The Devil smiled at his work, watching the humans needlessly compete with one another. He had taken a group of faithful, strong and loving people, a group connected by their belief and lead by their hearts, and in a matter of centuries, convinced them to kill and despise each other all in the name of the same Divine power.

And this was the greatest trick the Devil played on the world. He convinced everyone that believing in the Unknowable divine power was not about Love, Faith or following your Heart, but rather about Facts, being Right, and Converting as many people to Your way of thinking.