The Happiness gained from taking a life

Long faces
and sad eyes

Reflected back
in the glass

Feelings of loss
and depression

Hoping to find
some satisfaction

A cold dark room
A man strapped to a table
His peers watch
Like this is all normal

The man was a killer
He took someone's life

Felt no greater
No smile on his face

The peers watch on
Their motives shallow
If the glass were a mirror
They'd see the killers

The switch is pulled
Or the needle injected
The man goes to sleep
Unaffected

And the peoples faces
They don't ever change
Solemn and sad
No happiness found

Was the love

For your loved one so shallow

That to take another's life

Made it all better

Why else follow

The path of the killer

Why become something

That makes you no better

Individual in a Big City

A hustling, bustling city. Street Lights changing from green to red, car horns honking, night clubs hopping, people shouting...life in a city.

Adam was just like everyone else. And everyone else was just like Adam. In this city, no one wanted to be singled out, no one wanted to be an individual. And so everyone was pretty much the same. They wanted to be accepted by their peers, everyone frequented the same bars and clubs, read the same books and watched the same movies. They fought over the same issues. They pretended they didn't feel hurt or ashamed. No one wanted to look weaker than the others, so everyone put a brave face on everything, respecting each others stoicism.

Adam felt lonely, bored and miserable. He worked at a job that his family and friends respected, but that he had no passion for. His home life was full of routines; cleaning, shopping, eating, sleeping. His life was a cycle that he couldn't escape and he just wanted someone to be with, someone to share his life with. He believed in Soul-Mates and knew his was out there somewhere, but he had no idea how to find her.

All the places he frequented were full of people that seemed to be all the same. Adam struggled to make lasting connections with people and soon was calling everyone around him "sheep." For years he isolated himself from the other "sheep" in the city while still searching for his Soul Mate. But he could not meet anyone like himself, just more "sheep." He became depressed and wallowed in his problems. He wanted a change and thought a new person could bring that to him.

And then one day something changed in Adam. He woke up and sat in bed, thinking. Usually he'd jump right into his morning routine but today he thought first.  Instead of putting on his regular designer clothes, he put on a pajama shirt. It was something he had gotten in High School and sported a faded emblem from a band he loved, but that was never mainstream.

Walking out of his house, people pointed at his clothes and made fun of him. In a city where everyone dressed the same, Adam now stood out. 

He got in his car and started his drive to work. Usually he'd sit and listen to the AM radio, but today he'd decided to play the FM station. Songs came on and he felt like singing. Nearby drivers would point and laugh. While sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, some people even seemed upset that Adam was singing and having a good time.

Adam's day at work now felt like it was in slow motion and muted. He didn't care for the drama and he soon realized that most of his interactions at work involved heavy emotions of some kind. He didn't mind, but just wanted to pass the information without getting emotionally attached to it. 

He left work feeling alive and full of energy. He was a little hungry but as he drove home a park caught his eye and he decided he felt like running around in the grass. So he did. Kids on the playground saw him and laughed, but soon joined him, following behind him as he jogged around the park. When Adam saw them following him, he turned around, a sly smile on his face, and started to pretend to chase the kids. 

Weeks went by and Adam continued to allow himself to gravitate towards what he wanted. He stopped going to all the clubs, movies and restaurants because he thought that was where he should be, and he just focused on where he wanted to be. He did what he wanted, not because he thought the outcome would favor him, but because he wanted the experience. No longer focused on the destination, he was able to start enjoying the journey.

And while this transition was not easy on Adam, he was no longer bored and miserable. He'd been so busy living his life he'd forgotten about his pursuit for his soul-mate.

He woke up one Saturday morning and it was raining out. He immediately put his running shoes on and hopped out the door. His neighbors thought he was crazy, running in rain, but he loved the way it felt. He loved the way he felt. He was hopping over puddles and feeling the cool drops of rain against his face. 

When he opened his eyes he saw a girl jogging on the other side of the street, but in the same direction as him. He was staring at her when she looked over and saw him. He smiled and waved. She smiled, a little wider than she had wanted, so she looked away so he wouldn't see. 

They jogged another 12 blocks on opposite sides before coming to a T intersection, when Adam asked the girl if she needed a running buddy.

Musical Chairs

I was like a child playing musical chairs. 
The music stopped, I sat down and got completely lost in a daydream. 
And when the music started I just refused to get up and move.
I was like, "No, I'm not moving!"
I bitched and moaned.
And it's like, it's musical chairs. It's just musical chairs. 
Life is just musical chairs.




I understand why the seasons change, I can see the patterns now.
Even a child knows how to use words as bullets.
And even a kid doesn't always use the right words to describe things.
And they feed their emotions without realizing it. They get lost.
But they don't' always know what's best and sometimes it takes force.
And it hurts but they're happy in time. 
I know the weather is constantly changing, the rain will come and go, come and go.
The ship just sails into the wind. It goes with the flow.

Those Damn Tool Hoarders

I had a dream...

I was living in a world where everyone shared all of their tools. In every country, state, city and small town, no citizen owned any of their own hammers, screwdrivers or nails. There were countless shops conveniently located everywhere, which supplied the citizens with all the tools they would need to complete any project, big or small.

Because everyone shared all of their tools, they adopted a mentality of "treat the tool in the way you'd like others to treat it" and this made everyone want to take care of what they collectively shared.  Each tool store had a simple check-in/check-out procedure that was based more on the honor system than anything. No governments agencies had to monitor this because the people trusted one another.

But then one day, a man named Stan realized that after he was done with the power-saw, he may end up needing it again in a week, so he kept it. Afterwards, he realized how good he felt knowing he had his own collection of tools, just waiting for him, so he decided he wanted to hold onto all the tools he rented, and no longer return them when he was finished. He currently had no use for any of the tools, but he felt better thinking they belonged to him and were being saved somewhere just for his use.

And slowly this mentality was adopted by many, many citizens around the world. No one was willing to share and everyone began to hoard all the tools they could. No one was thinking about whether or not they needed the tool, but they felt safer thinking it belonged to them.

Generations came and went that it was now normal to be a tool hoarder. Friends would be walking down the street talking to one another, when they'd spot a drill-bit sitting on the pavement and race to pick it up first.

"Look what I found, I just found it sitting on the ground!"
"Yeah, I feel bad for whoever lost that, cause it's ours now!"

A great divide began to form between the tool hoarders and those who had no tools. And as time moved on, the divide only became wider. The families that had been hoarding tools for many generations now had so many tools they did not know what to do with all of them and let them sit in a bank where they could be protected and accumulate value. Other families who had not been collecting for as long had much less, sometimes no tools at all.

With this imbalance of tools, their entire economy started to suffer. Those who had no tools claimed it was not fair that the rich had more. And the rich claimed it was not fair that they were forced to share tools, because they had "earned" their tools them selves. The rich loved the idea of hoarding the tools as much as the poor did, but neither side seemed to be able to recognize this.

Neither side was willing to budge, but every citizen felt the same way: That they would be happier and their lives easier if they just had more tools. They NEEDED to have more tools.

They got so wrapped up in fighting over the tools that the tool it self became more important than what the tool could be used for. The people forgot that the tools were simply inanimate objects that could do nothing without the creative power of the individual wielding it. 

So much time had passed that no one could remember when they shared their tools...tools which were never meant to be collected, stored or hoarded, sitting in a bank vault somewhere doing nothing, but rather always in movement, always being passed along to someone who was ready to put them to good use.

The Demiurge

There was once a magical town called Haven. At one time this Haven was home to many, but now it was only home to one: A God named Bythos. She was responsible for keeping the town in good working order, which she had done for all eternity. After some time, the isolation of her work made her bored and lonely.

One day she decided she was ready for a change, and so she roamed the streets looking for something different. Surrounded by row after row of Grecian-style buildings, she stopped at one and walked inside.

She walked down a few aisles and saw a hanging sign with the words "Maya" written on it. Just below the sign was a metal, spiral staircase. She gripped the railing, taking one last look at the bright light from outside before descending into the darkness below.

The room was not bright but had an Earthy glow to it. Saturated Reds, Blues and Greens covered the walls. At the bottom of the staircase was a stage, a bright yellow spotlight pointed at it. Next to the stage was a bookcase full of books.

Bythos descended the stairs and picked a book to read from. It was a play. She let her eyes move over the words of the characters. As she read, she noticed a peculiar thing start to happen, her body seemed to swell with feelings. She recognized the thoughts and emotions, senses that her body had not felt for a long time.

Bythos loved the feelings and wanted more, so she read on. The play was filled with many different characters, each of which came with a wide spectrum of desires, beliefs and emotions. When Bythos was finished reading the play, she felt drained of her energy. She had allowed herself to feel and think the way each of the characters had. And while she was tired, she was eager for more.

This time when she grabbed a book of plays, she decided that she'd read each characters part out loud. When she did this, she was pleasantly surprised to see that she Felt even more. It seemed the more she got lost in the words, thoughts and emotions, the more intense the feelings became. 

Bythos understood that the plays were not real, that they were make-believe stories with make-believe characters. But she enjoyed getting lost in them. She liked the way it felt to attach to the characters and their desires, beliefs and emotions. Reading the lines out loud allowed Bythos to get more lost in the illusion that was the play. And whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy, Bythos was just happy to be on the ride.

But all that wasn't enough, she wanted to really immerse herself in what the characters were going through. She decided to make a duplicate of herself, one for each of the different characters in the plays she was acting out. And to make it easier for her to believe she was acting opposite another separate individual, she had each of the Bythos wear a different costume and mask. Now, Bythos could play both Julius Caesar and Brutus simultaneously.

Bythos got lost in all of the characters she played. At times she was so immersed in her role that she forgot she had lines already prepared and began to go with what her emotions told her instead. She didn't always like what she said or what others said to her. And this make-believe fantasy slowly turned into more of a nightmare. She started to forget that these plays were for fun, that she was pretending. She was no longer enjoying the roller-coaster ride of emotions, but feeling lost in them instead.

The sensations inside Bythos became stronger and stronger. She became anxious and depressed, wondering what was wrong with her. She began to lose herself more and more in each of the characters that she played, losing sight of her true identity and believing that she was one single character and nothing more.

All this, simply because Bythos had gotten lost in her imagination, unable to see the reality in front of her. Each person whom she feared, disliked or hated, each character in her life who made her feel something she didn't like, behind each of their masks was just another Bythos, lost in their own make-believe world and their own make-believe character. 

She had forgotten...

Part II: The Time They Met in Heaven

Greg was an old man. He was on his death bed, ready to go. 

His skin no longer seemed to fit his body, his mind couldn't keep up with the world and he felt out of place. He was ready to be done with this life- all he had left were scattered memories, mostly bad. He didn't have very good relationships with his kids, neither of whom were at his death bed. 

His eyes lids felt heavy.... He thought back to his sons. He loved them dearly, but had cast his eldest, Anthony, out of the house over religious differences when Anthony was 17. Greg had never spoken to him again and he regretted it. He felt so much pain in his stomach, he couldn't swallow the feelings anymore.

And without warning, he felt his heart pump it's last beat. Hands at his sides, he clenched the bed sheets with his brittle fingers and let go. All life was gone from him forever.

He opened his eyes. He was alive. He was somewhere he'd never been before....

It looked like an Apple store. It was very white and clean. There were a lot of people and yet no one was yelling. 

There were video screens everywhere, showing past and future lives. There were time tables that stretched stories high, alerting people of who was coming in and who was about to be depart.  Giant maps outlined the universe and all the planets in it. 

Greg found himself walking into the heart of this place. It seemed to be inside, but he couldn't see any walls. 

He looked at all the people there, so many faces. So many young faces. He looked down at his arms. He was shocked to see he was young again.

'Must be in my 20's,' he figured. He looked around, it seemed as if everyone was in their "prime." Greg stopped to watch the video on the monitors, watching other people's lives play out in the past, present, and what appeared to be a future. It was all very deja vu to Greg, he had to take a step back-

He accidentally bumped into someone. He turned around, ready to apologize, when he saw it was one of his sons, Anthony.

"Oh my god. Anthony."

Greg turned pale, color washing from his face while his son looked as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

"Hey dad," He said nonchalantly. 

"I...what...I-" Greg was very flustered.

"It's okay dad. It is."

Greg lunged forward, embracing his son.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so...sorry."

Anthony hugged him back, giving out a slight laugh.

"Ha, dad, it's okay. Really. It is. I forgave you a long time ago."

Greg took in his son, who looked more like his brother now that they were both in their 20's.

"What is this place?" Greg asked.

"It's Heaven."

"Really?!"

"Well....It's the closest thing to what we'd call Heaven. It's the place we go when we die before going back to live."

"Going back? But what about the bible? And the preachers? All those people on Earth, they don't know...I- I didn't know. I'm so sorry Anthony." 

"Greg, it's fine, seriously. It wasn't just Christianity, there were A LOT of religions on Earth, so trust me, a lot of people didn't know. Besides, could anyone have predicted THIS? Any of those people alive on Earth, do you really think anyone of them is imagining this when they talk about the afterlife?"

"No, I suppose not. Looking back it seems so stupid. I never should've let a book get in the way of our love. I was a lousy father-"

"This isn't why I came to see you, you need to stop blaming and judging yourself. Just accept that it's in the past, it happened."

"I just want to go back and fix my mistakes- Wait, you said you came to see me, here?"

"Yeah, well, we've had about 400 lives together. In MOST of them I've been your father, but now we've switched and you're now my father. That's pretty normal, so don't worry. But... we just keep going in a similar pattern. I just wanted to come see you to say that the past is in the past, and it's okay. You talk about wanting to go back and fix mistakes, well that's the beauty of life, Greg, it just keeps moving forward, so if you want that chance, you'll get it. I wanted to tell you to just stop being a procrastinator. The relationships and things you want in Heaven...don't wait to die before allowing yourself to have them next time. Make them for yourself in THIS life. Don't keep pushing it off. You've used Heaven as an excuse before and guess what happens, we never get there. I just want to have a good relationship with you while we're alive."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, when you feel like you're ready, we'll both know."

Greg reached out and hugged Anthony again. Without any notice, they both vanished.